A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a vary high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb. About an hour later he reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think its time we told him he was adopted?"

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a Bear starts chasing them. They climb up a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out off his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing?"
He first guy replies, "I figure that when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You'll  never out run a bear."
The first guy says, "I don't have to out run the bear…....I only have to be faster than you!"

A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder.
The barman asks, "What's the name of the lizard on your shoulder?"
The man says, "Tiny!"
The barman asks, "Why Tiny?"
The man replies, "Because he's my newt!"

The Racehorse owner was annoyed at how slow his horse and run in the race. He turns to the jockey and says, "Couldn't you have run a faster race?"
The jockey replies, "Sure I could but we are supposed to stay on the horse!"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to Tim?" "My Goldfish died," Replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned. "That's a awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last piece of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!"

One day after work a man was driving home when he ran over a poor little rabbit. The man immediately jumped out of his car to see how the rabbit was doing. He knew it was dead just by looking at the flattened creature. He felt guilty and just stared at the poor rabbit.
About two minutes later, a lady noticed his car stopped in the middle of the road and went over to see what was the matter. The man said, "I hit this poor rabbit and I just feel terrible!" The plump little lady then went to her car and came back with an object in her hand. She told the man not to worry and began spraying something on the dead rabbit. The man asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to save this rabbit, just watch." About five minutes later the man was thinking to himself," Man, this woman is crazy. I mean the rabbit is as flat as a pancake! Why on earth would she claim she can save it?" Just then the rabbit stood up, looked around and began to hop away. The man was amazed. After it had hopped three feet the rabbit turned and waved, it then hopped another three feet, turned and waved again. This continued with the rabbit hopping every three feet, turning and waving until it was out of sight.
The man desperate for an explanation, looked at the spray bottle and read. "Hair spray. Brings flat hair back to life. WARNING, MAY CAUSE PERMANENT WAVE."