A drill Sergeant had just chewed out one of his Cadets and when he was walking away, he turned to the Cadet and said, "I guess that when I die you will come and dance on my grave!"
The Cadet replied, "Not me sergeant...No Sir! I promised myself that when I get out of the army I will never stand in another Line!"

Only in America can you have a General in charge of the Post Office and a Secretary in charge of Defence!!!

The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines squabble amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
The Army will put guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Air Force will take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
The Marines will rush the building, kill everyone inside and use the building as a battlefield command post.

How do you know if there are any Fighter Pilots at your party?
They will tell you!
What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
God doesn't think he is a fighter pilot!
What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down!

"Aim towards the enemy"…..Instructions printed on a US Rocket Launcher
When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is no longer our friend….. From a US Field Manual
Cluster bombing from a B52 is very, very accurate… The bombs always hit the ground.
Who ever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and never, never volunteer to do anything.
If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush.
If you find yourself in a fair fight. You didn't plan your mission properly.
Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
Any ship can be a mine sweeper…………….ONCE
If the enemy are in range……...so are you
Tracers work BOTH ways.
Friendly fire……...ISN'T
Five second fuses only last three seconds.
Never share a Foxhole with somebody braver than yourself.
The problem with taking the easy way out is the enemy has already mined it.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
The Quarter Master has only two sizes: Too Large and too small.
If you can see the enemy .then he can SEE you.
Finally, Never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

Officer. "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier. "Sure buddy."
Officer. "That is no way to speak to an officer! Now lets try again. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier. "No Sir!"

During training exercises, the lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road, when he encountered another car stuck in the mud, with a red faced Colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck Sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is!"

A British Royal Marine is being medically discharged from the Navy, he reports to the Surgeon to have his final medical, the Surgeon explained that a new scheme has been devised to pay compensation to the wounded vets, He explains that the Marine will get £1000 for every inch from the base of his scrotum to the bridge of his nose. On hearing this the Marine starts jumping up and down with joy, being only five foot tall the Surgeon is a bit bemused, but asks him to drop his pants so he can start the measuring process. When the Marine drops his pants the Surgeon notices he has no scrotum and asks, "Son, where is your scrotum?" The Marine replies with a smile on his face, "On a concertina wire fence in Baghdad!"

A Gunny, a Staff Sergeant and a sergeant were doing some PT on the beach during chow. The sergeant noticed a lamp on the sand, picked it up and rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said, there is three of you so you each get one wish. So the Sergeant said I want to be a millionaire in the Bahamas, poof he was gone. The Staff Sergeant said, I want to be a millionaire in Hawaii and poof he was gone. The genie then goes to the Gunny and the Gunny looks at him and says, I want those two knuckleheads back after chow!

A Soldier was asked to report to Head Quarters for assignment. He was greeted by a sergeant who said. "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test!" He handed the Soldier a blank piece of typing paper and a pamphlet to copy. "Type this," he ordered, pointing across the room to a desk containing a typewriter and a adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly and made sure that his work contained as many errors as possible. The Sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance and said,  "That's fine. Report here tomorrow at 0800." "But aren't you going to check the test, the prospective clerk said. The Sergeant grinned and said, "Oh you passed the test as soon as you sat down at the typewriter instead of the adding machine."